All I want for Christmas

When I was young I had a dream of the perfect Christmas.  I wanted a beautiful home in the country with roses round the door, four children and lots of cats and dogs. The whole house would be decorated with a gorgeous tree, garlands up the stairs and along the fire place beneath which would be a roaring log fire and Christmas stockings for all the family.   There would be pictures of all of them in beautiful silver frames and a large dining table on the day full of gorgeous food and all our family around laughing and creating wonderful memories.

So what happened?   My dream life stayed a dream.  Nothing worked out as I planned and I didn’t have a family. I’d lost my dad when I was 24 and my mum 7 years ago plus my step-daughter got killed in a hit and run 6 months before my mother died.   I have to say I spent years and years grieving for what I didn’t have and now realise in all that time blocked new exciting things from coming in.  Holding onto grief led to suppressed  anger and depression which I fought for years putting on a bright face but not really wanting to be here most of the time and with the mantra ‘what’s the point’.  Christmas was the worst time when everyone else was buying presents and planning family gatherings and there was just me and my husband.

But as they say time heals although I have to say I did look for ways to go beyond the pain I was in.   I threw myself into courses, learnt new things and met lots of lovely people.  I had healing and also went to a counsellor.   About two years ago I found doTerra essential oils and  was very interested in the fact that they can support you emotionally as well as physically but if I’m honest thought it wouldn’t work for me.  However I’m pleased to say I was wrong and have found they have helped tremendously and subtly so that one day you wake up and realise you don’t have that sinking feeling  of dread anymore.    The anxiety faded and left and I felt more alive.   One of the oils I used the most was Air which I used for sinus problems and then discovered it was the oil of letting go.   Louise Hay in her book Heal Your Life says that emotions create illness and I totally agree.   Another area that I had problems with was the Psoas muscle in my left hip area.   This is an area where you hold all your emotions and I used Deep Blue Rub on a regular basis.  Also exercise to relieve tension in the muscle helped and its a great way to deal with stress.  I can get the problem back when I have a difficult emotional time and also  if I eat too much sugar so its important to look at it holistically.   Essential oils are a tool that can aid recovery not a magic pill (although I think they are magic!)!    So if you have any kind of physical ailment have a look at Louise Hay’s  book and you can discover the emotion behind it – its really interesting and worth a try if you are suffering rather than reaching for pills that will only mask the issue not get to the root of the problem.     Other oils that helped me include Forgive (does what its name suggests) to let go of anger and latterly Clary Calm (women’s hormonal blend) which has helped me feel more balanced and able to stop sliding into despair.

Anyway this year having let go of so much I can now see all the exciting things that are on the horizon.  With no ties I can do whatever I want and I’ve started looking at what I have rather than what I don’t have.      This year we are spending Christmas at the Red Sea with some lovely friends and also my husband and I celebrate 30 years of being together.  Holidays are a great time for reading and my favourite author is Lucinda Riley  Interestingly the book I’ve just finished reading  Hothouse Flower’ had a few very interesting quotes very  relevant to this blog which I thought I’d share with you here.

People react in different ways to tragedy and no one is wrong….. What was it John Lennon said ’Life happens whilst you’re busy making other plans’ (funnily enough when I was telling my friend Anne about writing this blog she quoted this too so I’m obviously meant to take notice of it and pass it onto you!).
‘Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do, how much effort and love you pour into life it makes no difference to the outcome. The flip side is ‘sometimes it does make a difference and one mustn’t lose belief
There was also an interesting synchronicity for me where one of the characters had gone to visit children in 3rd world countries and having just returned from my World Vision trip to Tanzania I could really relate to this.  ‘A new football was like handing of World Cup Final tickets’.  This was so true of my little boy who was thrilled with the gifts I bought him.  The father had hopes and dreams of a new plot of land to build a bigger house even though he had so little and no way of getting it.   ‘Each one had hopes and dreams for the future even if they had none.  They didn’t give up on life  even if life had given up on them.    I realised I was a self indulgent shit who’d wasted the past ten years feeling sorry for myself.   If these kids could look to the future and more importantly still trust in the goodness of human nature then surely with the advantages I’d been given so could I.’
Life Is short .  We all think too much these days and analyse everything.  Forget thought just go with your heart – pain can only be cured by love.’
She’d lost so many people she’d loved but the one thing she still had that was hers and could never be taken away from her was her talent’
All these messages have helped me and I hope they help you too if you have been suffering from a lot of loss in your life.    So when you make your plans for 2019 don’t forget to let go of the past and the future and live in the present moment being grateful for all you have and the universe will then give you more of what you focus on.
Here’s to a happy, successful, healthy and loving 2019.
By | 2019-01-04T09:23:41+00:00 December 28th, 2018|Uncategorized|2 Comments


  1. Pat Hinds January 13, 2019 at 5:34 pm - Reply

    Hi Annette
    Thank you for sharing your story
    You are inspirational
    I am so please£ and happy to have met you
    Pat x

    • Annette January 22, 2019 at 7:10 pm - Reply

      Thanks Pat – that’s lovely of you xx

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